I take the copy of Why I'm So Great – Duke In His Own Words and a pen – it's up to me to fulfill the lad's dreams. As I leave the green room and walk backstage, a young fan approaches Duke asking for an autograph. The aliens have returned to Earth, but the President is currently campaigning for peaceful talks aimed at strengthening ties. Exploring the facility further, I walk into the green room just in time to catch a breaking news report. Downstairs in the lobby I walk past a set of side doors holding back a flock of screeching women plastering their bodies against the window panes in hopes that Duke glances their way. Moving through the palatial penthouse, I check out a gallery of Duke paintings that portray his various exploits, which include donning an astronaut suit in space and scaling Mount Everest. These classic Duke moments aren't just there for laughs the first time you perform ego boosting actions like admiring his physique in the mirror or lifting an absurd amount of weights, Duke's maximum ego bar, which acts as a health meter, increases. “You want to touch it, don't you,” Duke egomaniacally growls. Walking into the lavish bathroom, I stare into the mirror and press the activity button. With marble pillars, a wading pool, and vaulted ceilings in his living room, he's a perfect candidate for MTV Cribs. Before heading down to the studio on a lower level of the casino, I peruse Duke's impressive digs. Tonight's guest? The one and only Duke Nukem. The young ladies ask Duke if he thinks the video game is any good, to which he curtly replies, “Yeah, but after 12 f-ing years, it should be.”ĭropping the game controller and grabbing the remote, Duke flips through channels and stumbles upon a commercial for the D-, It's Late Show. Duke's holding a game controller while being pleasured by the Holsom Kids, two Lolita looking pop stars whose parents obviously taught them the value of sharing.

The camera pans out out from the football field, through a flat-screen television, and into an luxurious penthouse apartment on top of the Lady Killer casino in Las Vegas. After taking down the boss, Duke roughs up the beast and kicks its cyclops eye through the uprights in celebration of his victory. I strafe oncoming missiles while doling out punishment with the Devastator and gathering the ammo that planes are dropping onto the field. Moving through the stadium tunnels and onto the gridiron, I come face to face with a giant Cycloid at midfield. I opt for drawing a giant gun aimed at an alien's head – simple but effective. Walking up to the board, Duke can erase it and create his own plan with a marker. The commander is in front of a dry erase board explaining the tactics for Operation C-k Block, the plan for preventing the aliens from making out with our ladies. After what seems like minutes, Duke wraps up his business and joins a collection of EDF soldiers gathered in a stadium locker room. To see how the action hero has changed since his last ass-kicking escapade, we blasted our way through the first 90 minutes of the game.ĭuke Nukem Forever begins with a familiar scenario that transports me immediately back to 1996 – the action hero is parked in front of a urinal unleashing his preternatural stream.

Duke nukem forever action figure